getting to like me myself and I. the begining 1997

I am new to me. I met my husband when I was 29 newly clean after years of using meth, and I still had a HOT body. I got to know myself as I got to know Bob, it was really weird, for the first time I was honest and genuine with another person. Bob is very special he is the first person in my life that understands me and has never said I love you....but. Robert P Sander lets me be LOUD or quiet, he lets me laugh until I cry or cry until I laugh. Bob said that he knew that I was going to be his wife the first time he saw me, yes love at first sight, he offered to by my lunch to which i replied " I don't need your fucking money" yes me being gracious as always. I had just come out of one hell of a relationship, there was not one line that had not been crossed, one sin that had not been committed, drugs , sex, violence, theft, you know all the things that make you a poster child for Jerry Springer. The fact that I had not ended up in jail is a testimony to my skills as a criminal. The fact that I came out alive is a testimony to the fact that God did have a plan for me. There were many years of darkness, but now I know that was only to make me appreciate the LIGHT. This is when I first started having symptoms, leg pain some back pain and the fucking migraines. Bob made me go to the Doctor that is when I got the first diagnoses of Fibromyalgia we know now that is not what it was.

Just a need to let it out.

This is a new thing for me...sharing lets just see what happens. Let me start by telling who ever reads this a little about myself. I am an almost 44 year old mother, gwamma, wife, sister and friend. I have a wonderful husband and a son and daughter-in-law, also one 2 year old grand baby who lights up my life.

We live on a dairy farm in Oregon that my husband works on ( his brother owns it) it has been in the family for almost 100 years, we have very deep roots. I love animals. I love photography and cooking, i collect old cookbooks and vintage Tupperware, its groovy. The other thing about me is that I have Tarlov cysts, it is a disease of the spine and it sucks. The thing about Tarlov is that there is just not much known about it, some doctors don't even think that it should cause any symptoms, to them I say: "what the hell step into the 21st century and do some research." I am on disability, that was a nightmare to go through. It took almost 4 years to get. There was one line on one report that said tarlov cyst unremarkable should not cause patient symptoms. That line was all SSI needed to deny my claim. For 4 years we lived on about 500.00 a month and I had no insurance, and it was the best thing that ever happened to my husband and I!!! We learned to live on next to nothing and live well, we grow our own veges and eat meat that we named. I have truly become closer to my husband and rock solid in my faith. The hang ups I had about "things" and "stuff" went out the window, at a time in my life that I should have been at my worst I was learning to be at my best.